Memoir Junkie 2: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua

Disclaimer: This is part review and part reflection on my behalf…kindly bear with me!

Having been raised as an Asian in America, I was immediately intrigued and attracted to this memoir by Yale law professor Amy Chua. Indeed, it sat on my virtual reading shelf for quite some time, till last week when I finally got down to it, and I must say it was worth the anticipation. My first reaction to this personal account was that it was funny and depressing at the same time. Now this may seem impossible, but I have my reasons.

Amy Chua’s book is a clear self-parody about her parenting style. The title itself describes her as a “tiger mother”, where “tiger” refers to her Chinese zodiac sign and, incidentally, her personality. The book is divided into three parts and each part starts with a quote dictating the personality traits of people of the year of the tiger. Overall, Battle Hymn is a collection of anecdotes about Chua’s two daughters, Sophia and Lulu, and memories of her own childhood and parents. It is an explanation as to why, despite being a second generation Chinese American herself, she chose to stick to the “Chinese parenting model” and about why it worked with Sophia, but was a devastating failure with Lulu.

Tiger Mom Amy Chua with her cubs (Sophia (L) and Lulu(R))

The book mostly revolves around Chua’s strenuous and endless practice sessions with Sophia and Lulu and their respective instruments, piano and violin. She explains that excelling in classical instruments may be only path to escaping her worst fear: generational decline! So, what makes this funny instead of boring? This is the easy part of my explanation; it is always funny to witness the struggle of a parent to get their kids to obey. And though many people may deny that this is a laughable matter (I quote my mother “wait till it’s your turn”), everyone laughs. The things Chua does to force her girls to give their best and keep succeeding is to most Westerners: appalling and to all Asian Americans: obvious. These things include (in no particular order): never complimenting the kids in public, always taking the teacher’s side if there is ever a conflict between teacher and student, never giving in to complaints and signs of weakness or loss of confidence, worrying about the child’s feelings and dreams for themselves, etc. In short, it makes tiger parents seem like the cruel stepparents of Disney princesses. But whereas in Disney movies the princesses waltz away with a prince, all Asian parents know there is no such thing as princes and fairytales, there is only hard work and practice. The book is a page-turner; as a reader we always want to know if Sophia won the competition or what new tantrum Lulu will throw to outdo her-and I quote Lulu here- “Voldemort” mother. The only lagging passages for me were those that went into detail about the technicalities of a certain piano or violin piece, and this was probably because I am not a pianist or violinist.

It has been scientifically proven that playing a musical instrument enhances mathematical abilities. Chua has proven that it builds character, disciplines children, and gets them into top universities. Now only if my father would have read that article about how Einstein played violin earlier (a flaw in my upbringing or an explanation as to why I could never integrate numbers and variables?). I only played flute in the 7^th grade and didn’t do so well in my higher mathematics classes. I should note that Sophia studied piano since she was three, played at Carnegie Hall at 14, and is now in Harvard.

Various covers of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother



Of course, there are different types of strict parents; at least Chua’s children achieved quite a few amazing goals. She pushed them beyond their limits (are there any such things?) and instilled in them confidence, discipline, and flawless, Ivy-worthy college applications. This is where the depression comes into picture. Reading about the successes that these two girls achieved at such a young age, I, as an Asian American of sorts, couldn’t help but think what Chua did wasn’t entirely wrong. She got somewhere with all the, for lack of better term, “harassment”. Whereas, with me, well, let’s just say I got quite a lot of higher education and bitterness towards “the system” and that’s about it. This book, no doubt, evoked many childhood memories. I vividly remember the times I had to make weird excuses as to why I couldn’t attend a sleepover even though my friends could see I clearly wanted to join the party. Being an Asian kid isn’t easy and the top grades come with a price. In case of the common “sleepover incidence”, it puts us in an awkward position: 1) either lie to your best friend (you have to go out with your family that day (to the library to get more Math practice books), don’t want to come because you need rest (fat chance, how about finishing that AP Bio lab and English essay?), etc.) or 2) admit you have overprotective parents who think any time away from textbooks is time wasted.

Take Case 1: The worst that can happen is that your dear friends will desert you and this fear will forever nag you.

Take Case 2: In this incidence many exponentially disastrous situations can result. If your friend tells her mom, the following may ensue: a) her mom may call yours to “talk things over and ensure that it’s all just good fun” (you’re busted), b) her mom may take offense and blatantly accuse yours of not trusting her: “Asian parents think they are so great and we are irresponsible” (busted again), c) if your friend’s mom is hyperactive, she may do what comes to most Westerners’ thoughts when they get a hint that a stranger’s child is in slight discomfort due to their parents: call Child Services (you are dead).

I didn’t want to know what would happen if I asked my father if I could go to the sleepover. Indeed, to this day, I don’t know what would have happened, but I have a feeling I would have had some rather sleepless nights and endless lectures of how I wasn’t “serious”.

See how it’s foolproof on the parent’s side? I have now become an objective scientist (I am absolutely squirming as l use this terminology) that can analyze any situation using the scientific method. I have set up an experiment using you, the reader, as a “test”: if you couldn’t handle reading the above paragraph, this book isn’t for you! For everyone else, dig in. Chua invites you into her life and while I don’t recommend adopting all her tricks, there is a lot to be learned about extremism and how things can backfire, even on a “tiger mother”.

Overall, I think this book is a fun read for anyone who has ever wanted to peek inside the home of overachieving Asian Americans. Now, if only there was a book on how Western parents turn out the most Nobel laureates. I’m waiting…

Rating:

Memoir Junkie 1: "Bossypants" by Tina Fey and "Seriously...I’m Kidding" by Ellen DeGeneres

Let me start by saying I’m innately NOT a funny person. I rarely can make people smile, let alone laugh, giggle, guffaw, cackle, chuckle, chortle, snicker, snigger, hee-haw, cachinnate, or make any other similar sound. So don’t blame me later if you came to this page and expected to physically  get rid of stress by expelling large amounts of air (mostly CO₂ and mostly from your mouth) whilst making comical sounds. Now, don’t misinterpret this; I do have a sense of humor, everyone does. And it’s not nonexistent (I do know people whose sense of humor is nonexistent and, yes, I inevitably question their humanity). So, why am I declaring my level of funniness? I just want to put it out there that on the rare occasion I make someone laugh, I secretly glow inside…and this is NOT something I generally share with folks. But as I most probably can’t see or hear you, I would have no clue you read this, and perhaps made one of the aforementioned sounds; please leave a comment to let me know if you did and tweet me the sound…it would make my day! Now, in order to make up for broody people like me, the world also hosts funny people who try as they may can’t make people not laugh. Some of these people are women, who wrote books to share their stories, that (surprise!), made me laugh!

Before I divulge my thoughts and opinions about these two books I’d just like to mention that prior to reading them I had only occasionally watched Saturday Night Live and had only heard of 30 Rock, but never watched it. Also, Mean Girls is an awesome flick! As for Ellen, she really is one of the best talk show hosts in the business, and I have many a times become victim to her YouTube clips. (Doesn’t everyone keep tabs of how many times she’s scared Taylor Swift? No? Moving on then…) The general structures of both ladies’ books is similar. Both women make many references to their childhoods, claim that their books are for “all types of readers”, give tips on how to become a cover girl (Fey) or a CoverGirl (Ellen), dole out information about how a woman can survive in modern society, talk at length about homosexuality, etc. In short, they have the basics and magic words to keep the contemporary reader glued. Who doesn’t like to read about a woman trying to make it on the cover of a LGBT magazine in a man’s world using her childhood experiences? The length of both books is similar, but while I found Fey’s debut book gripping and funny throughout, Ellen’s style of humor and writing made me weary and was, at times, even irritable.

Fey allows the reader to visit her past and, as memoirs go, she takes us on a journey through her life, from her “employee stage” (community theater, stand-up, SNL) to her “bossypants stage” (marriage, 30 Rock, motherhood). Her writing is introspective and direct, which I loved. The reader is never distracted by the jokes and sarcasm, and you’ll find yourself wishing she was older just so she would have more anecdotes and memories to write about! (Miss Fey, if you ever read this, I most certainly would never wish premature aging on any lady, so please, take it as a compliment, or better yet, write another book in a few years!)

Ellen’s book is also funny (like I mentioned before, inherently funny people just can’t help it), but I was not a fan of the haphazard arrangement of content. I know what you’re thinking- memoirs don’t have to be chronological. But that’s not really the problem. The book starts out great with very typical “Ellen jokes and sarcasm”. At this point I never suspected that I was being lead right into an onslaught of over-the-top nonsensical, repetitive bad jokes! It’s towards the middle that the “random chapters” become too much to bear, even resulting in boredom. (The worst chapter is “The Longest Chapter”, which incidentally is not the longest and for which I recommend the reader should take half of Ellen’s advice and “skip ahead”, but do not return to it…you won’t be missing anything!)   

Overall, Fey comes across as the great storyteller she is and sticks to the first-person point-of-view (POV), which is expected for an autobiographical sketch. Meanwhile, Ellen takes a stab at involving the reader more and, in my opinion, makes a mess by alternating the first- and second-person POVs. She basically seems to be trying too hard to be her usual random, hilarious self and “talk” through the book as if it’s just another episode of her show. Unfortunately, this is a failed attempt!  

What I found most ironic was that I expected to like Ellen’s book more because she was someone who I had watched frequently, but ended up reading Bossypants twice. I wasn’t really familiar with Fey’s work and admittedly picked up the book because I’m attracted to memoirs and needed a laugh (hence choosing a book by a comedian). Nevertheless, I’m glad to have read both books by these inspiring women. So if you feel you are in need of anything between a twitter and a horselaugh (no these are not social networking sites), I highly recommend these hilarious, tear-jerking-in-a-good-way books!

Note: I am a firm believer of “listening to audiobooks is cheating and not reading”, but these are the exception to this thumb rule. They are simply funnier in the authors’ voices (I listened to Bossypants after my first read when I acquired the audio version). Alternatively, you can read them in your mind in the respective author’s voice (I did this for Ellen’s book without initially even realizing it).

Bossypants:     

Seriously…I’m Kidding: